Hey Michael

I met my now ex-boyfriend Jesse last summer. We had gone to the same school since seventh grade and we had the same best friend, but we never knew of each other until our sophomore year of high school.  We were both in different places. I had just gotten over an abusive boyfriend. I was just focused on being single and happy and he himself was in a relationship. I always thought he didn't like me. He would shake his head at things I would say and the first time he ever said something to me his eyes met mine for only a second and then he looked away. There was just something that drew us to each other though. School got out for the summer and he invited me to a little party he was having. Our best friend was suppose to come, but he ended up not being able to so it was me, Jesse, his friend Matt, and my friend Katherine. I vaguely remember that whole night but there was alcohol and everyone was drinking, but I was the only one that drank too much. We were all on the couch and the alcohol started to hit me and I fell in Jesse's lap. He started rubbing my shoulder in a comforting way. I got up because I didn't want things to go beyond that because I knew he had a girlfriend. People say feelings or the truth come out when people drink and I guess it's true because next thing I know Jesse and I were kissing. I woke up the next morning realizing where I was and what I have done. I was in a recliner and Jesse was lying on the same couch we were all on the night before. I crawled over to him, shaking him to wake him up to take me home. I only remember him saying something like "there's room on the couch" hinting that he wanted me to lay beside him. I got up and walked to his bedroom to be away from everyone else and fall back asleep. Next thing I know, Jesse comes in and lays beside me. He wasn't forcing himself on me or anything like that. We just laid next to each other in silence and just kissed. I pulled away though because what was happening wasn't right. Anyway, I finally got home and was grounded for about two weeks. That whole time all I could think about was him. When I was ungrounded, we just hung out more and he ended up breaking up with his girlfriend and asking me out. I, of course, said yes. I was really happy and began having strong feelings for him already. We would constantly be around each other and the time we weren't we spend every minute talking on the phone. That summer was eventful. My father is abusive and he abused me that summer and ended up attacking Jesse but he stuck with me. Towards the end of summer though I found out I would be moving. I was devastated. I told Jesse and he had tears in his eyes. The plan was for us to break up when summer ended, but that didn't happen. We were so deep in love. We continued to see each other for another 8 months. He would drive an hour and a half every Friday to come take me away for the weekend. During that time, I was struggling to make friends in my new school and my dad had again beaten me but Jesse was always there for me. I began to suffer from manic-depression and it took a toll on us. I would pick fights about anything and shut Jesse out. I became a different person. He ended up leaving me before I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. We would still talk on the phone but that changed too. He began to shut me out. I had friends telling me that he was already putting his hands on another girl. I was hurt but we saw each other again and the old feelings were still there. He had even asked me to be his date for his junior prom. But the week before, he said he didn't wanna take me anymore but didn't plan on telling me until Friday when he would come and get me. All because I said that I thought he was emotionally abusive. He called me names like cunt and told me he thought nothing of me because he thought I did something to our best friend. To this day, he refuses to talk to me. It hurts because I never got a chance to really say good bye to him. I still dream about him and think about him everyday. I still have hope that there will be an "us" sometime again. I hated how we ended.

Submitted By - Anonymous

My heartbreak story is very fresh.  Only three weeks old now.  I read Michael’s story and it felt very similar in a lot of ways. My name is Joe, I am a 25 year old male from Ontario Canada. So the story goes something like this. 

Katie, who is now my ex-girlfriend, god even saying ex hurts so much!  We dated for close to 3 years, I'd say 2 years and 8 months.  We lived together for 2 years.  We had three cats and a dog who we both loved very much.  Our relationship was strong, and the love seemed unconditional. We both loved each other very much.  We met just as we were both finishing college.  I took Broadcasting, and she took International Business.  The summer we both scarped by doing survival jobs, and filling the nights with love for each other.  As time moved on, Katie ended up getting a great job in her field.  She networked through family, and bing bang boom!  Had the career!  I on the other hand was struggling to find anything related to my field.  My field was extremely harder to get in, but in the end it doesn't really matter.  It’s who you know, not what you know.  I ended up taking another job as cook for a catering company.  Cooking was a hobby of mine, so I started to enjoy the job.  I enjoyed the people I worked with.  Katie continued with her job, not always loving it but she stuck it out and worked hard at it.  I was always there for support when her stress level would unbearable.  I kept looking for my "dream job" but never found anything.  Slowly, I lost ambition to even look in my chosen industry.  I just slowly, not knowing it I started to settle in my life.  I was happy though, I had Katie and she was the world to me.  We did things together all the time, LOTS of snuggling, and movie watching in those cold Canadian nights. We would play with the dog almost every night.  We went out a lot to restaurants we did what we could with what we had. However, not really aware of it, in my sub-conscious I was unhappy.  Not with Katie she was my high, she was my girl...she was the love of my life!  I was unhappy that I wasn't following the structure I set out in my own life.  I was working a job that was only leading me so far, and I think I reached as far as I could with it. The money wasn’t there.   I still very badly wanted to work in broadcasting.  I asked Kate what if I moved out of province to a smaller market, would you transfer for me?  She told me she would never because the other branches in the country are smaller and there is less chance she could move up the corporate ladder.  She also told me she doesn't think long distance relationships work and that we would be over.  She told me that and I cried, I hid it by running to the washroom but I cried.  I loved her to much too just pack up and leave.  So…time kept ticking away.  I kept working my job and she did the same.  Then one night I blew up on her.  I guess it was a mix of me being tired from working and traveling all day, and me not being happy with what I was doing.  We were taking the dog for a walk, I planned on going for a jog to blow off some steam.  I waited in the cold for her finally she made it down from the apartment.  She was training the dog and taking her time.  I understood she had to she paid a lot of money for the dog training classes.  I asked her to hurry up, and she told me to shut up.  Again, I asked her to hurry she again told me to shut up.  I got really frustrated and sad she was saying this to me.  In anger I went back to the apartment door to go in.  I told her I hated her, she told me she hated me.  I ran back to the apartment and just sat on the floor.  She arrived soon after.  She told me things I thought I would never hear.  She told me that she doesn't see us together in the future she told me she doesn't believe in love, she told me she doesn't think two people are meant to be together in a long period of time.  I started crying uncontrollably.  She hugged me and we both crawled into bed, never really talking about what happened again.  I wish we had talked about it, I guess I was in denial.  For the next few months I knew I needed to treat Katie better and I worked on it hard!  I did things; buying flowers, giving back massages, having incredible sex, making her dinner, walking her dog, taking care of her animals when she went on a trip to Spain. I would do anything and everything for her.  However, she still seemed really distant.  I was always the one making any of the emotional movements.  She never hugged me, she never looked me in the eye anymore.  I felt like she wanted to get rid of me but didn't know how.  Then new years came.  I bought some tickets to go see Russel Peters (a comedian) I bought a ticket for myself and a ticket for her sister.  Her sister was the first to cancel on me then Katie had to because she had to work unexpectedly on New Years Eve.  I was upset but I understood.  As I was getting ready to go she started to laugh at a message she received on her blackberry.  I asked her what it was, and she told me it was an innocent rumor a guy at work made up.  I asked what the rumor was and she told this guy named Eric started a rumor that Katie gave him head.  When I heard this my insecurities flew around my body like a mean old tornado, tossing emotions everywhere.  I punched the wall, and got really upset.  She just laughed at me, thought I was acting like a fool.  And she was probably right, but she never once reassured me, nor did she never deny doing it.  It really hurt, and that whole night I was upset.  She came and picked me up from the event.  I had been drinking (it was new years eve) and that didn't help.  I was really angry at her.  I came home she sat on the couch and watched T.V.  I had a shower and went to bed.  I woke up in the morning with her next to me.  I was still very much upset about everything.  Something wasn’t sitting right with me. I asked her if I should move out and instantly she said "yes!"  Three hours later I was moved out, quit my job, and moved back with my parents.  It has only been three weeks.  I am in terrible shape.  I cry everyday.  I have been researching and it helps but only temporary.  I have been speaking to a doctor, and therapist.  Its help, but only a little.  I feel drained everyday.  I try and get out but all I think about is Kate.  I miss her so much. I know in the bottom of my heart I love her.   I realize why things happened.  Just like it takes two to start a relationship it takes two to end it as well.  She called a few times but I can't bare to talk.  I just start crying.  It’s a hell everyday.  I know she is fine.  She still has her job, same place, and she goes out all the time with men from her work.  I hate being stuck here thinking about her all the time.  I miss her so much and a lot of the times I just want to be dead.  But like I said, I am trying to get myself back on my feet.  This heavy feeling in my stomach won't go away any time soon.  Its only been 3 weeks...we were together for close to 3 years.
I have read a lot of stories on this page and it has given me a different perspective.  But again, I don't think there is anything you can do about the pain.  It’s how you deal with it.  I have had amazing friends and support. It means the world to me, and I now know I need to focus on myself.  But it’s not going to be easy.  My mind likes to think Kate, Kate, Kate all the time!  I know its cliche, but time heals all right?  I know Katie's love will come to the grave with me.  It may get numb in time but it will come to the grave with me.  I hope anyone out there who is suffering will try and focus on themselves.  Only you can get yourself through this....love hurts....but is it ever amazing to have! I have been following all the advice on how to cope with a broken heart. I started doing new things, looking for a new job, playing new sports, working out a ton. It helps push out aggression. I will love her forever, and I never want her out of my life. She is my best friend. Maybe, and just maybe if faith see it fit. When I am ready with myself and she has found herself. Maybe things could work, but at this stage in our life….it doesn’t seem to be working anymore. It’s the hardest thing I have had to do. To admit that is doesn’t seem to be working. I love her so much. I must set her free and be there for her, because in the end I do love her. I will keep her in my heart and soul for the rest of my life. I just hope she feels the same about me.

Lots of love to you all

Joe

- Submitted by Joe from Ontario -