I’m going out.

Signed: (me) _____________________________

I request permission for a leave of absence from the
 highest authority in my life for the following period:

Time of return

Date: Time of departure: NOT to exceed:

Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only
 visit the locations stated below, at the stated times. I agree
 to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall
 not even speak to another female, except as expressly
permitted in writing below. I will not turn off my mobile after
 two pints, nor shall I consume above the allowed volume of
 alcohol without first phoning for a taxi AND calling you for a
verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even
 if permission is granted to go out, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife
 retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week
for no valid reason whatsoever.

Amount of alcohol allowed (units) Beer Wine Liquor Total

Locations to be visited

Females with whom conversation

is permitted

I acknowledge my position in life. I know who wears the
 trousers in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I
 promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand
 that this is going to cost me a fortune in chocolates &
flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit
 cards whenever you wish to do so. I hereby promise to
take you on an unlimited shopping spree, should I not return
home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not
 pick a fight with any stranger, nor shall I conduct in depth
discussions with the said entity. Upon my return home, I
 promise not to urinate anywhere other than in the toilet. In
 addition, I will refrain from waking you up, breathing my
vile breath in your face, and attempting to breed like a
(drunken) rabbit.

I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have
none compared to my BETTER half), the above
 information is correct.

Signed - Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband:

This decision is not negotiable. If approved, cut permission
 slip below and carry at all times.

??……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Permission for my boyfriend/fiancé/husband to be away for
 the following period of time:

Date: Time of departure: Time of return:

Signed – Girlfriend/Fiancé/Wife:

Location: From: To:

Location: From: To:

Location: From: To: