Feelings we Feel

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A website dedicated to helping heal broken hearts and celebrating love.

Feelings we Feel

On this page I have compiled a list of feelings that we feel when going through a breakup in addition to common feelings associated with being in love. I have included brief comments and potential reasons why we feel these different feelings. I am including this section because I think a lot of times we are surprised by our feelings and how strong they can be sometimes. Ones that I specifically felt I have marked with an *and included my own experiences with these feelings.

Feelings associated with being In LOVE

Excited: *Nothing compares to the excitement you feel when you are in love with someone. No matter how hard of a day I had I was always so excited to go home and see Mary. The problem for me was that I could not always express this to her, or would choose going to sleep over hanging out with her do to my hectic work schedule. That aside I was always genuinely excited to see her, to talk to her, any interaction with her. I think this is one of the most noticeable signs of being In Love. When we first started dating, I would check my email and phone literally every minute to see if she had tried to contact me, I would be so excited to get some sort of message from her. If you love your partner then you should be excited to see them. Being excited and looking forward to spending time with one another is an amazing and wonderful feeling.

Joyous: *Being joyous, or feeling joy as a direct result of another person is an amazing feeling. One of the things that made me so sad and depressed when Mary left was the loss of the joy she brought into my life. Mary made me so genuinely happy, she made me mad as well, but she was capable of evoking the most joyous feelings inside of me just from being in her presence. If you feel joy when you are around your partner, embrace it and celebrate it with them. Be aware of how you feel when you are away from, and then when you are with your partner. If you feel significantly more joyous then you are falling in or already in love.

Frustrated: *While this may seem like an unlikely "in love" feeling to feel I think it is important to recognize how it may arise in relationships. Frustration between partners can arise from a variety of reasons. With Mary and I, a lot of times are frustration with one another would arise out of the lack of quality time we had with each other. I know Mary would get frustrated with me when I could not open up and talk about the future due to my insecurities, and I would respond the same with her. I think frustration is natural to feel sometimes with your lover. We often paint this perfect picture of the one we love, completely void of flaws. When reality sets in and we see that they are human and can make mistakes we can easily become frustrated. While it is natural, working on improving communication skills and understanding with one another can reduce frustration.

Cautious: *Often times we get into a relationship and we fear change. We are afraid that if we change the relationship will change and as a result the way our partner feels about us will change. I was scared to death to lose Mary. I often held off making any changes in my life for fear it would disrupt the fabric of our relationship. I was also overly cautious as a result of my upbringing. You can see the rapidity with which I changed so many things in my life when Mary left in My Story Of Heartbreak. I was ready to change and grow all along, just did not know how. I think it is ok to be cautious, as you grow closer to someone. Sometimes we cannot help how fast we grow closer, but take time to slow down and realize what is going on. The opposite effect is of course common which is to rush the various aspects of the relationship. I think it is better to error on the side of caution. If you are taking major steps in your relationship, talk things out, have a plan in place to cover finances, family, friends, etc... If you see yourself being with this person forever, then it is important stuff to talk about anyways.

Happy: *Few of us will disagree that there are not many things in this world that can make us as happy as being in love. Little things take on a much greater meaning, seeing a person smile at you, calling them on your way to work, saying goodnight to them. Being in love creates an almost euphoric feeling of happiness where we can have moments of pure and total elation. The things that made me the happiest with Mary were a lot of the little things... coming home and making dinner for one another, her smell on my pillow, saying goodnight and good morning to her. Happiness is a beautiful thing, and as I said before we often find out greatest happiness in the arms of another. Treasure it; it is a very precious gift.

Scared: * "Every man is afraid of something, that's how you know he loves you...when his afraid of losing you." I got that quote from one of Mary's friends and I think it describes the word scared in the context of being in love. Many of my insecurities that spilled over into mine and Mary's relationship left me feeling scared of losing her. Scared that she, her friend, her family would recognize me as a fraud or think I was not worthy of her. Much of this fear came from not loving myself to my fullest capacity. You can be scared in a relationship for a number of different reasons. You can be scared over how fast you are falling for someone, how fast the relationship is progressing, and you can also be scared, like I was, of losing someone. I think it is natural to be scared at times in a relationship. Being in love stirs some many different emotions in us and causes so many different hormonal and chemical effects throughout our brain and body that it is sometimes hard not to be scared one minute and then happy the next, or experience both at the same time. If you are constantly feeling scared, in the way I was, this may be sign of a deeper seeded insecurity. This might be your signal that it is time to do some reading, or talk about some issues with a therapist/counselor.

Silly: *In my observations in my relationship with Mary as well as watching my friends, who are couples, interact I have noticed that when partners are around each other they can often times act very silly. Mary and I used to talk to each other in silly voices at times; it was just our way of having fun with one another. It is fascinating to see how love can evoke such silliness in couples. I could go to work and be serious, for the most part, all day, but then around Mary there would be times where all I would want to do is just laugh. This would bring out a much sillier side of our personalities, a side that was reserved only for her.

Feelings associated with HEARTBREAK

Rejection: *To feel rejected is to feel unwanted and unloved. To have a person that you cared so deeply about tell you that they do not want to be with you anymore is one of the most painful things to endure. Feeling rejected is very natural and is expected. This is probably amongst the most normal feelings to feel, in my opinion. When Mary told me that she did not want to be with me anymore I never had felt so rejected in my life. For me the only thing I felt more painful than this was the feeling of being unlovable.

Unlovable: *Unlovable is defined as, "incapable of inspiring love or affection." This for me was the single most horrible feeling I have ever felt. Not only did I feel Mary did not love me anymore, but I felt completely incapable of being loved by anyone else. This is probably the most powerful of all the feelings we may feel during heartbreak. Often times the reason we feel this is that we do not fully love ourselves. This was the case with me, and the number one reason for me to do all the work on improving myself that I have done and continue to do. If you are feeling this way, I highly suggest you look deep inside yourself to if there are any other underlying reasons for feeling this way. This feeling is probably the number one reason I would say for enlisting the services of a licensed therapist as they can help guide you to the root of the problem.

Depressed: *Depression is defined as, "a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness." Depression comes in different forms and at different magnitudes. I would say that I was definitely suffering from mild depression when Mary left, but it stemmed not so much from her leaving as the other feelings I was feeling such as feeling unlovable. As I have said in "My Story of Heartbreak" there were plenty of days where I did not even want to live let alone get out of bed. Depression, if not addressed, can manifest itself into something much more severe and can become dangerous to yourself and the people around you. If you feel like you are suffering from depression or no someone who is, I would suggest reading the book, "When Someone You Loved is Depressed," which I have listed under the Books that Can Help section. Also look into meeting with a licensed therapist. Often times people can feel ashamed for being depressed; there is nothing to be ashamed about. Often time's it is a result of a chemical imbalance created in you and the only way you can fix it is by getting help.

Anger: Anger is very interesting and I have learned a lot about it in therapy. It is one of the most prominent and natural of our main emotions. I used to think that it was a purely negative emotion and would always try to suppress it. I still have not been able to be angry with Mary for leaving me. Sometimes I wish I could because I think it would make it easier. I have had plenty of friends tell me to be mad at her and that someone better will come along who loves me for me, but despite all of that I cannot be angry with her. Even when we would fight I would stay mad at her only for a short time and be back to loving her within a matter of minutes or hours. To be angry with someone leaving you is normal and very healthy, as long as you do not act on it in a violent way. There are countless stories of crimes of passion where people who were angered by their lover leaving them acted on their angry, in combination with other emotions, and hurt themselves or someone else. If you feel you are going to act on your anger, I highly recommend you seek the help of a licensed therapist as soon as possible. They will provide you a healthy setting to talk about and understand your anger.

Sad: *"affected by unhappiness or grief; sorrowful or mournful," is the definition of being sad. I think the key word here is "mournful." Losing someone, especially someone you love is like mourning the loss of someone who has died. When Mary left, I felt like not only had I lost her, but that a big part of me had died. She was my other half, and thus I felt like half of me was dead. When you are feeling sad, it is hard to find people to relate to you unless they have been there themselves. Common wishful phrases are: "don't worry things will get better," "it gets a little easier each day" etc. All of these phrases are meant to help, but no one other than yourself can really determine for just how long you will be sad. Even to this day, five plus months after Mary left me, I still find myself crying at times because I think of her and it makes me sad and it makes me miss her. The best advice I can give you here, is be honest with yourself. If you are sad, then let yourself be sad. Watch a sad movie it is a good way to help you cry which is an excellent emotional release. Do not try to hide your feelings. If you do they can just build up inside of you and essentially cause you to implode if you never address them.

Lonely: *When we were not working, Mary and I spent almost all of our free time together. We both had job(s) that required a great deal of time from us. We live in an expensive area and were just out of college, so the need to make money to live here was very high. Mary was not just my girlfriend; she was my best and closest friend. I had other friends, but she was the one I wanted to spend the most time with. When she was gone, i suddenly felt totally alone. Many of my close friendships had faded over the years as I spent more time with her. This feeling of being alone was one of the main reasons why I tried to start volunteering as much as possible. It occupied time that would otherwise be dedicated to her. Exercise is also a great and healthy thing to do as it makes you feel a sense of accomplishment and will take up some of that "lonely" time. I normally work out for one hour a day, but there were many days where I started working out once in the morning and again at night just so I had a release for all the emotions I was feeling.

Vengeful: I have heard many stories of people getting hurt and wanting to get even. "That B**ch, or that D**K hurt me so bad, I am going to show him/her." The feeling or wanting to get revenge on someone for hurting you often will stem out of an overwhelming feeling of Anger. Vengeance can assume many forms from trying to sleep with a good friend of your ex, to destructing their property, to physically harming yourself or your ex. If you are feeling vengeful, please contact a licensed therapist and work through your feelings in a positive, healthy atmosphere.

Nothing: When we lose someone, we can feel nothing for multiple reasons, some of them are: we could be in denial and just not want to face the pain of the loss, we could be masking another emotion by telling ourselves that we feel nothing, or we could in fact feel nothing - perhaps because the relationship had run its course and we are relieved to be out of it.

ICGS (this is what I call... I Could Give a Sh*t): This is really more of an attitude or stance one assumes than a feeling. We often hear phrases like "I don't care what he does," or "she left me she can sleep with whoever she wants it does not bother me." Again in many cases these phrases may be completely valid and we do not care what our ex-partner does. However, do not adopt this attitude if you are doing it just to try and act tough, or appear strong. If you deny letting yourself feel, you are also denying yourself the opportunity to grow as a person. A big part of loving yourself and learning who you are is understanding your feelings. Heartbreak has a very unique way to stir all sorts of different feelings inside of us. If you are feeling let yourself FEEL. If you really don't give a Sh*t, then move on with someone who you will give a sh*t about.

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